// Three Irishmen Walk Out of a Bar
Posted on Monday, March 19th, 2012
We have once again reached that excellent time of year. Whether we have just a minute fraction or a substantial majority of Irish blood in our ancestral lineage, it vehemently proclaims it’s dominance of your character during this weekend of celebration. The sensational smell of corned beef and cabbage wafting through the air, the jubilant tunes of the Dropkick Murphys blaring from the local pubs, and the sounds of countless Jameson and Guinness bottles being opened or shattered all culminate together, moistening the green eyes of one’s inner Irishman. Unfortunately, Bay Area Rapid Transit does not recognize this sacred holiday as bearing enough importance to increase the schedule of their trains and run later than usual. Herein lies the predicament of many a drunkards this weekend. Contrary to BART’s lack of additional personnel, the local law enforcement agencies capitalize on this weekend to meet their quota of incarcerating intoxicated prey.
We cyclists must face crucial decision points during dire times such as these. Is it worth the risk to slovenly attempt a ride home while whiskey and beer react with curdling Irish Crème in your stomach? Or would a severe crick in your neck from passing out on your friend’s linoleum kitchen floor prove to have saved you from the possible reprimanding of an authority figure, or even the disastrous possibility of a brief encounter with an equally drunk person who decided their auto would get them home this night no matter what may present itself in their way, including you and your bicycle?
Well, let’s consider the consequences. I had heard in the past that being caught riding your bike while inebriated is comparable to a DUI, and may even affect the status of your driver’s license. With minimal internet research, I am relieved to report that in the state of California this is false. According to California Civil Code 21200.5, the maximum penalty is a fine of merely two hundred fifty dollars. However, the risks you are taking to body and mind, especially considering the other sort of people I mentioned above that presume their drunken automobiling shall cause no harm, may be exponentially greater. One must seriously consider their bicycle route before venturing out on a cold, dark night when so many bacchanalian herds are noctivaganting the roads.
From personal drunk biking experience, I recommend that you save yourself from trouble and ask your friends if it’s ok to stay the night. No matter how horrible your head may feel the next morning, it certainly beats cashing out two hundred fifty shekels, or worse.
Sláinte!
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